nyghtrain: (Default)
 People have lots of different reasons for being single, but why is it that when women are single, people look at her sadly and say, "You'll find him eventually."

What is my response to that supposed to be? Um, thanks, but no thanks. 

First off, I'm bisexual, so it could be a him or a her for me. I've dated both and have been quite happy with both genders. I have been almost married twice, but decided it wasn't for me. Whenever I decide to date, I have never found a lack of candidates. 

The problem isn't any of that. It's basically that I decided what I want out of life and I have no desire to compromise. My creative endeavors have always come first, because I've lived without being married forever, but writing, drawing, creating is something that makes me depressed if I neglect for too long. It's a part of me and I'm not hiding away parts of what makes me, me for someone else.

Which brings me to my next point, I'm only interested in people who can accept all of me. In any relationship I have, I accept all of the person and they can damn well do the same. I'm not the sort of girl who is going to try to mold a "me" into a "ideal girl for him." Sorry, but no thanks. 

That doesn't mean I don't care for the person. I'm a Cancer. We're notorious for wanting to take care of people. I like baking, and making people feel better, and I want to do good things for my partner, but that's part of me and my love for the person. It's not because I'm trying to fit the good girlfriend/wifey role. 

I might end up single for the rest of my life, because of the way I think. Guess what? I'm totally okay with this. I have a loving family and caring friends. That's enough for me. I'm not saying that sometimes I don't think a partner would be great, but I realized a long time ago that it was more society that wanted that for me, than it being something I actually needed. 

Relationships are compromise, but it shouldn't mean stopping being who you are. Being single is okay, even if you're a woman. Go forward and be the person you want to be and live the life you want to live. I am. And guess what, I've done a pretty damn good job of it. I managed to become a full-time writer, traveled around europe, spend a year just enjoying and experiencing life, etc. I've accomplish all my dreams and I'm still young. I actually had to make new goals, because I achieved all of them. How many people can say that? I'm proud of my life. 

And I hope my friends and family can be proud of their lives too, because guess what, it's your life. In the end, you're the one in charge of it. /end rant

Date: 2013-05-23 06:36 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] 7veils
7veils: (Default)
This is a very mild-mannered rant as they tend to go. I don't know who's been putting the expectations on you to marry, but it doesn't sound like they have enough sway to wear down your self-esteem, thank goodness. I get that pressure from certain relatives, but it's fear-based and their projections. You can be a good partner and a good person and, still, the person you marry betrays you. So, even if you did wind up with a partner, there are no guarantees. Projects that you invested your life energy in that depended upon another person's equal contribution (like raising children, or carving out a homestead, or creating a business) can fall apart when that person's support and contribution suddenly evaporates. It can all be taken away from you with breathtaking speed. So, good for you for looking after your own goals and achievements. Other people have no right to cast aspersions over you because those things did not include marriage.

Date: 2013-05-23 06:48 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] laurose8
laurose8: (pandas)
If it makes you feel any better, I do agree with you. (Mind you, I'm a natural singleton myself. And I think in New Zealand women might get less pressure to marry. No one's ever said that to me.)

Good on you for living your own life, and may it continue so.

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nyghtrain

May 2013

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